dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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