dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
