So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
