We're facebook friends in real life
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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