Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
