My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
