so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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