but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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