The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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