I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
