these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
