considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
