We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
