if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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