He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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