i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
