Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
