Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize