I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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