toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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