Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
