Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
