dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
