I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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