I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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