I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
