Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
