I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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