My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
