i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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