we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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