things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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