So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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