he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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