the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
bring money and cleavage
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
