Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
