friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
