You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
