dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My liver just had a heart attack.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
