She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
