I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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