Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
