Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
