you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
