Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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