here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
