I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
