I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Floor bacon is actually really good
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
