Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is it penis luge time yet?
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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