There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
