right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
