I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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