we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
