we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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