I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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