so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
