why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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