I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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