return my video game
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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