Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
