my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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