This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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