I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
