Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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