I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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